10 August 2011

I have to say that I simply can’t stand it any more.

I’m talking about Apple and their damned lawsuits. They are suing anyone and everyone who makes any product that even remotely resembles an iThing (gosh, I hope they don’t sue me for putting that lowercase “i” in front of the word “Thing”!).

Seriously, all computers look alike. Mostly that’s because they all use the same exact components, and they all serve the same basic function. The same is true of tablet devices and cell phones.

So how is it that Apple gets away with actually forbidding other companies from even selling their products now?

On the web site MacRumors.com, I read the following yesterday:

Apple Granted Injunction Barring Sale of Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 in European Union

FOSS Patents reports on news out of Germany that Apple has been granted a preliminary injunction barring Samsung from selling its Galaxy Tab 10.1 anywhere in the European Union with the exception of the Netherlands.

Now today, there’s this:

Apple Suing Motorola Over Design of Xoom Tablet

While Apple has been engaged in a number of high-profile patent lawsuits with its competitors offering Android-based hardware, one of the quieter disputes has gained new attention today following a discovery by FOSS Patents that Apple has in fact sued Motorola in Europe, claiming that the Motorola Xoom tablet infringes upon the design of Apple’s products.

Of course, this is all no coincidence. Android is taking hold (don’t get me started on Google), and Apple is terrified. So they’ve decided to do the only American thing left to do: sue the pants off of everybody!

Again, let’s review: A tablet computing device has a touchscreen by necessity. It probably also has a bezel around that touchscreen. And surely, if its designers want its users to be able to do anything with the device, it will most definitely have some icons arranged on the screen. Touching those icons will launch applications. Now, do you see anything wrong here? Well, Apple does. How DARE those other companies release their own tablet computer?! With a black bezel!!! AND ICONS!!!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!

My question is this: Where does it end??

Apple could sue Microsoft and claim that Windows violates Apple’s OS patents. Apple could sue LCD screen manufacturers and claim they’re all trying to emulate the Cinema Display. Apple could dig up some of its ancient patents and sue every single producer of desktops, laptop systems, cell phones, and operating systems in the entire world.

But why stop there?

[SARCASM]

I think Apple should finally put an end to all this nonsense. Let’s legally destroy Microsoft, and Ubuntu, and every flavor of linux, and Dell, and Lenovo, and Acer, and Nokia, and Motorola, and every other company out there that makes any product that is even remotely like a product that Apple sells.

And then Apple should sue anyone who uses a device produced by any of the above companies.

“Mr. President? I’m sorry to have to arrest you, but you used a ThinkPad yesterday. How could you?! (*SNIFFLES*)”

Hell, what do we even need a president for? I mean, the entire US government uses Illegal Computing Devices every day, right? Should that really be allowed? I think not! And what about other governments around the world? Wouldn’t the whole planet be a much better place if Steve Jobs simply ruled the world and got whatever he wanted? How DARE anyone try to compete with Apple!

[/SARCASM]

Yeah… Obviously I’m being sarcastic. And obviously, Apple’s management has seriously gone off the deep end. I’m pretty sure other people have noticed. So why hasn’t anyone said anything? Oh, right… Because they’re scared crapless that they’ll be sued, too – especially if they work for a major media outlet. Either that or they’re busy looking for a job.

Frankly, I’m sick to death of all this nonsense – not just Apple. Do we really need a bunch of psychopathic corporations shoving a bunch of crap we don’t need down our throats?

I mean, Facebook! Ooo! Twitter! Aaah! Let’s substitute “digital interaction” for actually spending quality time together with another human being. And while we’re on the subject, I don’t need to know what you’re doing every second of every day. To be perfectly blunt, I really couldn’t care less.

Just because services like Twitter give us the ability to act like self-centered, narcissistic jerks who think the world revolves around everything we do, doesn’t mean that we have to use them. I mean, seriously: What do Twitterers or Tweeters – or whatever the hell they call themselves – actually talk about when they are finally in each others’ physical presence?

Bubba:  “Dude… Awesome tweet.”

Clyde:  “Yeah. You too.”

Bubba:  “…..”  (whips out cell phone to tweet current location and activity)

Clyde:  “………”  (ditto)

Let me be clear: I like technology. I wouldn’t have made this blog if I didn’t.

But get real, people. Technology isn’t life. There are protests and riots in numerous countries around the world. Governments are in chaos. The economy is about to be flushed straight down the toilet. People are jobless and homeless. The climate is doing some really weird stuff, and it ain’t “warming”. In short, there’s a lot going on.

So yeah, Apple being stupid with its petty lawsuits is pretty small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. But then again, it’s also kind of the point: How is it that the economy can be in such dire straits – with so many people in need – and yet all this time, energy, money, and attention is being diverted to fight over patents and whether or not somebody has the right to sell a product in defiance of The Great and Powerful Jobz?

Of course, other companies have jumped into the “Let’s sue everybody” ring now, as well. Great! That’s just what we need!

SIGH… Well, no matter… It’s all horse crap, anyway. And I’m sure things will sort themselves out – probably in a terribly self-destructive fashion.

And that will be entertaining to watch.

Why the World Will Soon Be Using Only Apple Products
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